Unwelcome Dental Advice

Or at least that’s what conservatives want you to believe. Me, I’m about as liberal as they come. I believe in a lot of stuff that conservatives would mark off on their ANTIFA hit list: I believe in equality. I believe in science over God. I believe there are more than two genders (and I know the difference between their, they’re, and there, as well as to, two, and too). I believe that despite George Floyd’s life decisions, he was murdered by Derek Chauvin. I also believe in the Second Amendment rights constitutionally afforded to me to vomit forth the many liberal platitudes I’m about to in this blog. What I do not believe is that conservatives are “good people.”

To be fair, I don’t truly understand today’s conservatives. I know what they’re meant to believe in and the beliefs they’re meant to uphold, but today’s conservatives are a mixed bag of cats all clawing at one another to get that piece of the pie. I’ll assume the pie in question is monarchy. They laugh and rib at us over “no kings” protests, but they’re quite literally worshiping a man as a demi-god/king who holds almost zero conservative ideals and beliefs.

Now, I’m not saying that all conservatives are bad people. I’m saying that conservatism as an idea is inherently hateful. Just consider this picture from the conservative subreddit.

Conservatives believe, based solely on race (and name, based on race), that Zohran Mamdani is some kind of evil political Trojan horse with a sinister agenda. There’s no proof of him being anything but a genuinely good person with positive goals, yet because he’s not a white guy with a white guy name like Jim or Bob, that he’s very clearly some kind of megalomaniac mastermind with intent to destroy the country from within, starting with New York City. It’s the same reason that to this day conservatives continue to point out that President Barak Obama’s middle name is Hussein. You remember, known jihadist Barack Hussein Obama, that two-term president who corrupted millions of Americans into becoming Islamic nationalist.

Oh, wait. No. You’re just publicly being racist you dick-nosed, armchair patriots.

Apart from just blatant racism, many conservatives are outright low-IQ. I’m not sure I can name a single conservative who knows what “IQ” even stands for without having Google help them out. Here’s what I’m talking about.

They truly believe that their lord, Jesus Christ, a man who “died for their sins” and taught people they should love their neighbor, is some kind of war-mongering Army general who will wipe out entire civilizations of infidels because they don’t view the world as he (they) did? That’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard. Well, next to “that’s the best film sequel in American history next to Short Circuit 2.” Conservatives will use the Bible as a shield and yet they know almost nothing about what is actually contained within its pages. People have killed in the name of it, but did Jesus ever actually kill anyone himself? Hold on, look it up on Google. I’ll wait.

In keeping with the theme of stupidity, how about this gem? The Orange Asshole strikes again, and the fucking knuckle-dragging snowflake jagweeds that worship him are falling right into the trap.

Oh, it’s a joke!” “He’s trolling the libs so hard!” “He’s not being serious and the libs are eating it up!”

Horseshit.

I’ve followed Dear Leader’s playbook for 10 years now, and the man is saying the quiet parts out loud. If he’s trolling anyone, it’s his cult following of low-intellect wife-beaters. They truly believe that he wouldn’t attempt to do exactly what they say he’s joking about doing, yet his top advisor, Steve “Gin Blossoms Galore” Bannon, has already stated they’re working on a loophole to exactly this. Once again, he’s saying the quiet part out loud and all the conservative monkey bois are complicit in the design.

And finally, there’s Rob Schneider. You remember that dillweed from my March 31^st blog, right (https://unwelcomedentaladvice.blog/2026/03/31/rob-schneider-you-are-a-shaft-accepting-prison-bitch-shit-bird/)? Here he is again, opening his shit-spewer and hoping to land on a conservative hot topic in order to stir the pot. The response at the top, by “Sir Humphrey” is as golden as the pee coming from the trans lady’s girlcock.

This pubic hair bird’s nest and his low-brow attempt at inducing rage among conservatives and liberals alike is conservatism in a nutshell. It’s not what we as liberals believe that is necessarily bad, it’s that conservatives don’t really have a plan for what to do when their law-making actually passes something they’re zealous about. In this case, they want to ban male-to-female transvestites from women’s rest rooms, but they don’t have an answer for where these individuals are supposed to go when they have to take a leak. Instead of providing an appropriate alternative, they would rather bitch about liberals and trans people as a whole when that one instance of their law “working” comes into play.

Instead of simply accepting that some people are born with the belief that their body doesn’t match what’s in their mind, so they go to great lengths to remedy it for their own mental posterity and a feeling of wholeness, they’d rather pretend that this whole subset of American citizens don’t exist. It’s either that or admonish their existence in some thinly-veiled argument about how they’re going to influence their cis-gendered children into somehow believing they’re trans because they heard a male-to-female trans woman pissing in a stall next to them.

As I mentioned in my previously written blog, Rob Schneider and all of his diminutive attempts at remaining relevant can go fuck himself.

Please, readers, if any of you have any more insight into how conservative minds work, I would love to hear them. I feel like I could write a whole book on the subject, but I’m already too busy as it is.