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Confidence
Imagine you’re a teenage boy in high school. Or maybe you are in high school and somehow, you’ve found your way to my page. Whatever the case may be, just imagine, for a second, that you’re a teenage boy in high school, and you’re not as attractive as one of the jocks or one of… Continue reading
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We Don’t Deserve You
You’ve heard that phrase before: Dogs, we don’t deserve them. Or you’ve heard it with cats or any other pet. Pets bring joy to our lives, in most cases. I’m looking at you Nola, and your propensity to bring destruction to our house! And yet, I can’t help but love the big idiot, even after… Continue reading
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Stolen Valor
If you’ve read anything I’ve written, you know that I’m a huge supporter of joining the military. Whether it be for noble reasons, such as serving your country, or for personal gain, like education or seeing the world, joining the military is an honorable career path and something I fully endorse. When I was a… Continue reading
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Controversy Surrounds New Ethnic Barbie Line
El Segundo, CA – Outraged parents stormed the headquarters of the big-name toy company, Mattel, after the introduction of the new “ethnic” line of Barbie dolls. The new toys, which introduced nine different counterparts to Barbie after the popularity of the Barbie movie, hail from different parts of the world, and were released last week… Continue reading
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Shower Thoughts
Have you ever just been sitting around, minding your own business – maybe you’re reading the news, watching a television show, or picking your nose – and you suddenly have the weirdest thought come through your brain? These are usually what Reddit refers to as “shower thoughts.” You know the ones: a fleeting moment of… Continue reading
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Vote
When I was younger, I thought very little of voting. I always just rooted for the candidates that my parents rooted for, because I was young and stupid. My parents typically leaned to the right and thought that Reagan would save us all with trickle down economics. Gods, I was stupid for believing in the… Continue reading
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Avocado Toast Has Ruined You All!
If you live on the Internet like I do, you’ve probably seen headlines and complaints on forums like Reddit about how Millennials and Gen Z-ers can’t afford to pay off student loans, or they can’t afford to purchase homes because they buy too much avocado toast or some other shit. I tire of these headlines… Continue reading
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America’s Pastime and Legendary Bad Calls
I’ve had over 12 hours to stew on this and read through trolling comments about it on Reddit. While I’m not typically a conspiracy theorist, I’ll openly admit that I think officiating (read: umpiring) for certain sports with certain teams is absolutely rigged. Case in point: last night’s Brewers vs. Yankees game at American Family… Continue reading
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Support Work
A few weeks back, I wrote a short story for college titled You, You, You Otter Know. It was an absurdist piece that, admittedly, very few people in my class (including my professor) really understood. I’ve since edited it to add a few more pages (go back and check if you haven’t read it since… Continue reading
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For Mikey
I just lost one of my best friends, Mike Adair, the other weekend. After a battle with Leukemia and subsequent immunocompromising from chemo, Mike suffered several lung infections and a stroke. His family took him off life support and he passed two hours later. In commemoration of our long-time friendship, I wanted to dig up… Continue reading
About Me
Armed Forces Veteran. Writer. Father of several demon-child rescue animals. Milwaukee Brewers fan. Loather of the human condition.
I was born and raised in the wintry lands of Wisconsin (Milwaukee, West Bend, Oconomowoc), but spent 15 years in the service of the United States Air Force, deploying and living in many other regions of the country and world.
The first time someone told me I was a “hell of a writer” was when I was a young Senior Airman in the Air Force and got in trouble for writing a blog on MySpace about the “miserable people of the ### Squadron. I wrote it like a late night infomercial with testimonials that ranged from hilarious to disgusting. I was very nearly demoted for the work and forced to remove it from the site.
After that, I started writing satire news articles like one might find on The Onion. I typed them out and distributed them to coworkers like a weekly newsletter. Some of those articles are posted here.
Eventually, I moved from satire to Science Fiction and Fantasy, and have written four [as of yet unpublished] books in what I hope to be a long-standing series inspired heavily by Stephen King’s “The Dark Tower” saga.
I currently live in Albuquerque, New Mexico.
Unwelcome Dental Advice 