Unwelcome Dental Advice

In a move to prevent future American football half-time shows from having to endure Spanish-speaking performers, Leader Trump has taken to the skies to make a four-stop trip and meet with leaders of several territories.

“I think the presidents of these countries – and I know about presidents. No one knows more about presidents than I, Donalds J. Trump – I think these presidents need to respect our country and traditions,” Leader Trump said to the press. “They need to understand that our wildly undereducated masses can’t sit through twenty minutes of Puerto Rican singing. No, the uneducated football lovers – and I love the uneducated, and the uneducated love me – no, they want to listen to Creed and Kid Rock doing a half-time show, so they don’t have to carry a Spanish-to-English dictionary with them when they listen. They don’t want Bad Bunny. Who or what is a Bad Bunny? Is it a man, or a man-sized bunny from South America? I don’t even know,” continued Trump.

White House officials have already reached out to the press about how his trip to Puerto Rico went and have exclaimed that the rest of his scheduled visits will likely go the same way. Said Karoline Leavitt about the exchange, “Dear Leader had no idea that he was actually the president of all these territories, so we set up mirrors in the conference rooms, and he can merely talk to himself, something he already does every day.”

Our correspondents were able to procure a recording of his “meeting” with the “President of Puerto Rico.” Here is the transcript of said meeting:

“Hello there, fellow president. My, you’re a handsome one. What are you, 6-foot 4 and 225 pounds? Beautiful. I like you already. Say, what do you think of coming together and having ICE raid the half-time show at the Superb Owl next year, and then deporting this, uh… what’s his name? Bad Bummer? Bunny! You got it. Bad Bunny. We can send him back to Puerto Rico. Beautiful place, this is. I should buy it or at least invade it and take it over. I like you. We think a lot alike…”

When presented the recording, Leavitt had nothing to say.

In other news: Former Navy Seal and oft-seen Fox News correspondent Robert O’Neill has come out as not only being former Gazan and a former gang member but now is saying he’s also formerly ANTIFA. Avid Fox news viewers are eating up the fact that the man in the mask totally isn’t the same person that’s been a “former” everything and stepped up to call out the bad practices of his former organizations.