Unwelcome Dental Advice

There’s a lot of shit going down in the world that have accumulated in the last few weeks, and it takes a heavy toll on my sanity and the well-being of the people involved. Israel and Iran seem to be in full-on World War III mode, launching ballistic missile attacks at each other like it’s going out of style.

ICE is at it in full-scale race-wars across America, pulling people out of public places, even school children are being ripped away from the only life they’ve ever known. To this end, there have been protests and riots in major city hubs. This has drawn the ire of Dear Leader, who was trying to have a military parade like the authoritarian leaders of old, but no one showed up, even after he offered to pay them. So, in retaliation to the protests, Dear Cheeto sent the National Guard to “keep the peace” in Los Angeles.

Did I mention that Dear Leader also released a branded telephone and cell service? You know, using his office of power to make profit, something that’s been against the law for a sitting president since… Hang on, lemme Google it… SEVENTEEN EIGHTY-SEVEN (1787)! It’s called the Emoluments Clause (Emoluments, such an olde English word…). Check it out. It pretty much states that the sitting president cannot use their office to obtain money. So, how is Dear Leader branding a cell service and gold phone with the name TRUMP prominently displayed on it not against the law? I don’t know, ask Republicans.

All this aside, I think the worst news I’ve seen all week hit me last night: Food Network chef Anne Burrell passed away, presumably from a heart attack. I know, it doesn’t sound like something someone should be upset about, but let me tell you, Chef Anne ignited a serious love of food in me. Her show Worst Cooks in America was a staple in our television watching for years, and I learned a lot of cool techniques watching people who don’t know how a toaster works transform into worthy cooks.

Because of her, I’ll always say “Brown food is good food!” when searing anything. Or “slices, sticks, dices” when chopping veggies. Because of that show, I know how to properly hold a knife, and I can say with surety that I’m probably a better cook than most of my friends. “Salt it like the ocean!” is something I say aloud when I boil pasta or veggies to shock. She was just an incredible influence on my way of approaching dinner.

In memoriam to Anne Burrell, I’m going to share with everyone my “signature dish”: Josh’s Fabulous Chicken and Salami Farfalle

Ingredients:

• 1 whole onion (sweet or yellow) diced
• ½ dry aged salami (preferably Genoa) diced
• 2 small (or one large) chicken breasts chopped into bite-sized pieces
• 4 cloves garlic smashed and chopped
• 2 carrots diced
• 2 stalks of celery diced
• 3 sprigs of fresh rosemary minced
• 1 ½ cups of farfalle pasta boiled (in water salted like the ocean!)
• Olive oil
• Red cooking wine (1/2 cup)
• Balsamic vinegar

How to make it:

• Boil the pasta in water SALTED LIKE THE OCEAN
• Drizzle oil on your chopped salami and chicken and toss with chopped rosemary
• Cook the chicken and salami in a little oil and the red cooking wine, then set aside
• Cook the chopped veggies (all of them) in the same pan with a little oil
• When the veggies are finished, put the cooked meat back into the pan with the veggies and cover with about ¼ cup balsamic vinegar
• Add the pasta and toss everything together
• Serve with fresh grated parmesan and bread

Optional stuff:

• In the past, I’ve blistered and peeled tomatoes and put those atop the finished mixture
• Also in the past, I’ve reduced the balsamic vinegar (this takes much more of the vinegar and a LOT of time) and turn it into a thicker, saucy component

Thank you, Chef Anne, for all you’ve done for those of us who were truly terrible in the kitchen and used your show to find our footing. You will be missed.