Unwelcome Dental Advice

If you’ve read anything I’ve written, you know that I’m a huge supporter of joining the military. Whether it be for noble reasons, such as serving your country, or for personal gain, like education or seeing the world, joining the military is an honorable career path and something I fully endorse. When I was a young, dumbass kid, I had no direction in life. My parents were a couple of shitheels that instilled no purpose for me other than making it by. When I graduated, I had no plans, no goals, no real aspirations. The only reason I even considered the military was because my dad took me to some Career Day thing in Greenville, SC (when I lived there, albeit briefly), and I met with an aviation instructor from Embry-Riddle.

I had no mechanical experience or wherewithal, but I understood the concepts he was talking about as though I’d been reading up on them my entire life. Mechanics, especially as it pertained to aeronautics, just made sense to me. But, because my dad couldn’t hold a job to save his life, and my mother only cared about whether or not she could continue to afford cigarettes, there was no money to send me to college. I didn’t qualify for any of the grants I applied for, and I was out of options. So, I did what any other aimless 18-year-old with nowhere to go did: I applied for enlistment.

Now, my experience with entry into the military was probably vastly different than anyone else’s. My mother claimed she was in the Air Force stationed at Patrick Air Force Base in Florida, but no one could PROVE that what she said was true. She loved telling that story to my recruiter, but he seemed incredulous as Patrick Air Force Base closed down probably 30 years prior (according to him). My favorite day was when my dad came to the office with me and my recruiter asked if HE had served. My dad proudly (and likely drunkenly) exclaimed that he was a draft dodger that got out of going to Vietnam because he claimed mental illness.

I’m going off on a tangent, though.

Basically, it’s important to me that people see the military as a positive establishment where men and women VOLUNTEER to put their lives on the line for their country, while also performing tasks to better themselves and prepare for their future.

So, when I hear eyeliner-wearing fuckstains like JD Vance badmouth another veteran the way he did Tim Walz, Kamala Harris’s VP running mate, it boils my fucking blood. Tim Walz spent 24 years of his life in service to this country. He may have “only” been in the National Guard, but he still committed more time in service than most people would ever consider offering up. JD Vance included. Vance served a mere single term of his life (that’s four years enlisted and four years under the gun of possibly being called back in wartime) in the Marine Corps.

Don’t get me wrong, the Marines are tough, but Vance wasn’t part of a normal fighting force, he was a military journalist. I’m not trying to diminish his contribution; I only bring it up to show the disparity between these two men’s careers. Walz was in the National Guard. Some might call them weekend warriors because they’re not normal active duty enlisted. Their main job is to protect the US should we be invaded. Because Walz never deployed – and Vance did to Iraq for six months – Vance claims Walz was “stealing valor” by claiming his military service.

This is a huge thing to blame someone for. Stolen Valor – under House Resolution 258, Stolen Valor Act of 2013 – is essentially when someone claims they’ve earned certain military accolades, ranks, or medals through years of service to attain special treatment, gifts, or political gain. Vance is claiming that because Walz never deployed, he’s stealing valor by using his time in the military for political gain. These actions are punishable by fine and jail time.

Are you fucking kidding me, you dimwitted troglodyte?

Not only is what you’re claiming completely false, but you would also accuse about 40% of all people who enlist in the armed forces as having stolen valor, because about that many people (according this research: https://www.pewresearch.org/social-trends/2019/09/10/deployment-combat-and-their-consequences/) don’t deploy over the course of their entire military career. You’re saying that over 1/3 of all veterans have stolen valor in some way, shape, or form.

Fuck you, Vance. Fuck you right in your stupid eye-liner caked face.

A lot of the people I worked with the Air Force never deployed. It’s just the nature of some jobs (read: AFSC’s) to always only be stationed at your home station. Do you think the Air Force needs to send a bunch of secretaries overseas to Iraq? Do you think the orthodontist I saw every month when I was stationed in England got to see a lot of action by deploying to Afghanistan? Did they steal valor by choosing professions that never deployed?

I expect better of our politicians, especially the ones I’m on the opposite side of the fence from. If ever there was a way to sway me to your way of thinking, it wouldn’t include baseless accusations of stolen valor against someone who has done more for his country than you ever did. I suggest watching this TikTok clip (I know, I know, TikTok is the DEVIL! But I’ve recently joined it and other social media outposts to start my conquest for followership and get my name out there in preparation for my eminent book release). It’s former Minnesota governor Jesse “the body” Ventura’s take on Vance’s claims against Walz. I never used to agree with Ventura’s political views, but he makes some compelling arguments here. https://www.tiktok.com/@buzzbingetv/video/7401493572047981856?lang=en

As ever, I endorse anyone who chooses to join the armed forces, even if it’s just for a one-term enlistment. It shows a depth of character that many here don’t have, and a willingness to let someone else take the reigns on your life for a short while to gain skills and abilities that are valuable to both you and others.

Peace.