Unwelcome Dental Advice

If you live on the Internet like I do, you’ve probably seen headlines and complaints on forums like Reddit about how Millennials and Gen Z-ers can’t afford to pay off student loans, or they can’t afford to purchase homes because they buy too much avocado toast or some other shit. I tire of these headlines because it’s sensationalist news at its worst. The real problem, in my eyes, is that these younger generations don’t want to put an effort into these things because they feel entitled by Internet influencers and the anti-work movements.

Okay, okay, this probably sounds very “boomer-y” of me, but before you smash that unsubscribe button, maybe hear me out. I’m a Gen X-er. I was born in 1979 and I’ve seen some stupid shit my entire life. I grew up in a household where my family just kind of disregarded my existence, let me go out on my own when I was eight to play with neighbors until it was so dark they couldn’t see past their noses, and left me with absolutely nothing when they died.

I’m YOU millennials and Gen Z. I’m you before there was an Internet to tell me what was cool. I’m you before there were watchdog groups that told me there were dozens of pedophiles living in my local area that wouldn’t hesitate to try and lure me into their van with promises of candy or a Huffy bicycle. I’m you before our shitless lay-about parents decided they didn’t need to set their kids up for success. I’m also you, but with better music to define my generation. But that’s a story for another time.

That out of the way, I’m going to offer some advice (unwelcome, of course) on how to change your situation. JOIN THE MILITARY.

I fully understand why people don’t want to join the military, especially with all the conflict revolving around the Ukrainian war and the shitshow between Israel and Palestine. But you don’t have to join a combat function of the military when you join. I joined the Air Force in 1998 and was put into an aircraft maintenance field where I worked on reconnaissance aircraft for 15 years. Yes, they’re “warplanes,” but the closest I ever came to combat was in Afghanistan, where people with mortars fired at the fence line as a means to show us “hey, we’re still here, we still exist, fear us.”

Hell, we carried rifles that weren’t even loaded!

So, unless you have a serious beef with the military industrial complex, joining the military seems like the best answer to both the student loans and home loans questions. Here’s why: Joining the military, you’ll be given an opportunity to enroll in the MGIB (Montgomery GI Bill). This is an educational benefit that gets seriously overlooked by people who are on the ropes about joining. I’m using my benefits right now, and I haven’t paid a goddamn thing for school. On top of that, you’ll get paid a stipend for using those benefits. I’m currently enrolled in an online school and max out at three classes per term (term, not semester). All my classes are completely paid for, and I receive about $900 a month in extra money to use how I see fit.

This amount is higher if you physically attend classes, because they give you reimbursement for travel on top of paying you an amount commensurate with your home of record/location. You could be looking at up to $2000 paid to you to do whatever you want with on top of having your classes completely paid for. How is that not something you would want? No student loans, unless you continue educating beyond what the MGIB will pay for (I’m not sure the total amount it pays out because I’m merely going for a bachelor’s degree).

As for home loans, the VA has you covered for that, too. So long as you exit service honorably, you qualify for lifelong VA home loans, which are extremely low interest and require zero down payment when purchasing a home. That is fucking ridiculous! In a market where a standard, thirty-year fixed rate mortgage gets you over 7.5% interest, you could probably get a 4% interest loan from the VA with nothing down. And that 7.5% is if you’re in good standing with credit and drop a bunch of money as a down payment (about 20%).

The only caveat is that you can only have one loan at a time, so if you’re looking to move, you have to sell (or have proof that there is a pending sale of) your current (if under a VA loan) house first. If this is the only real hurdle to overcome, then this is too good a deal to pass up. Personally, I think it’s worth a meager four years of your life doing something that will teach you a great number of social and educational skills to obtain.

I get it. The military isn’t for everyone. I didn’t think I’d enjoy it when I joined up. I signed a contract for four years like most people do. I wound up staying for 15, only getting out when the system didn’t work for me (this is a story for another time). I learned a lot of valuable social skills as well as overcame quite a bit of social anxiety in the process. I learned tons of technical skills and gained a bit of knowledge in educating others, supervisory techniques, and even a bit about management. On top of these things, and other things I’ve listed, you can even “cheat the system” a little bit and attend school while serving (there are education offices that will afford you benefits so you don’t have to pay or use your MGIB while active) and avoid going on deployments.

I had a friend who attended school while serving and he went on about 90% fewer deployments than I did while serving five fewer years than me. My man played the system better than anyone. Any time a deployment came up with his name attached, he simply enrolled in physical classes that he couldn’t get out of and his supervision subbed someone else in his place. This could be you! You could be getting a free education, get paid decent wages, get free home loans (these are available both in and out of service, so long as you were honorably discharged), and gain tons of other skills, all while avoiding being the victim of headlines like, “Millennials Can’t Afford Homes Because They’re Too Busy Trying to be Instagram Models!”

I’m not trying to be a boomer here. I hate boomers because they’ve destroyed our economy and instilled generations with hatred for capitalism with that whole “pull yourself up by your bootstraps” bullshit. But I also hate the whiny newer generations for not understanding that there are options for you. You’re just going to have to suck it up and commit to something that isn’t merely being pretty and getting likes. Influencer culture is the actual worst, and you could be destined for so much more if you come from a family/life where you don’t have much to begin with.

Just my two cents of unwelcome advice.

Cheers, all.